Drop Dead, Gorgeous
by RedVoidWriting
Summary: After contracting a rare illness that drives people to kill the one they love the most, a good-hearted ninja must choose between losing the love of his life and losing himself. AU


"AAAAAARRG! AAAAH!"

Amidst the musty jungle, a young boy's hand was in his heart and everywhere, as if the center of his being was a portal to reality.

"I – I love you, you stupid bit%$" he said, between his teeth. The sweat on his forehead inching across his face.

If someone saw him, they might say that he wanted to feel something, anything, but **they** would be wrong. There was only one thing he wanted to feel, and once he felt it, someone else would never feel anything ever again.

"Heey, Naruto," it's as if you get a kick out of being so late. You are such a drag, you know that?" said Shikamaru, slapping Naruto on the back.

"Hey look, a bird," said Naruto, immediately using the opening he so aptly created to swipe his friend's bag of Hot Crisps.

Shikamaru rubbed the back of his head and kept walking. "I may be a strategist, but I could always learn something from someone like you," he noted, "So unpredictable."

Perhaps too happy to notice the backhanded compliment, Naruto sucked in his surroundings through his eyes and breathed them through his mouth. _Today is going to be a good day_, he thought.

"Hey, Naruto," said Sakura, who happened to be walking down a cross street. The hermit that lived at the end of Naruto's block must have been on to something! Positive thoughts really do make good things happen.

"Sakura-chan! How are you?" Naruto managed to say, but she was already too far away to hear him and respond, or at least that is what he hoped.

Shikamaru was probably chattering about team battle strategies, but his friend with the forest jacket seemed to blend into the background as Naruto fantasized about his pink-haired crush. Someone like Sakura hardly had claim to the earth, only because she deserved far more. He remembered a time when they used to go for ice cream after their missions with Kakashi sensei. How innocent they were back then.

"Hey! Are you listening?" said Shikamaru, "I said you should go get a health checkup. The "Big Boss" said we all have to get one."

_There was hardly a person healthier than Naruto_, Naruto thought as he scratched his engorged muffin-top.

"And don't even think of skipping out on it," said Shikamaru, "Lady Tsunade asked me to personally see that you got one."

Naruto lightly growled, and tried to make his steps heavier than they were before. Medical checkups sucked. The lines were too long and the medical ninja would drone at him about eating things other than ramen.

As a result, it had been over four years since Naruto had touched a medical ninja.

Even so, Naruto noticed that most medical nin, being females, smelled nice, but the only medical ninja Naruto was interested in was…

"Alright, we are here," said Shikamaru, turning a corner and stopping in front of a large white building. Naruto could already smell the antiseptic, but before he could escape, Shikamaru pushed him towards the door.

"That stupid, Grandma," Naruto muttered, but when his eyes adjusted to the light, he got the shock of his life.

"Naruto," said Tsunade, "glad you could make it."

The fear that Naruto felt was quickly replaced by suspicion. Why was the old lady being so nice? Was she trying to make him like medical checkups so that he would come in more often?

Before he could fully process Tsunade's shocking kindness, she sat him down on a small red barstool and pried open his mouth. Then, she rolled in a scanner from the other room and made him lift his arms.

"How are you feeling Naruto? Can I get you anything?" said Tsunade, with the same kindness as she showed him before.

_One act of kindness was understandable_, Naruto thought, _but now she's starting to scare me_."

"I'm going to have to step out for a bit," said Tsunade, "but don't worry, my lovely assistant Sakura will take over from here." If Naruto was paying attention, he would notice that Tsunade's kind smile twitched as she left the room, but all of his thoughts were now on his one-and-only crush giving him an examination.

Heey, what do you think of the story? Does it have potential? Should I kill it before it has a chance to grow legs? Let me know in a review, comment, or PM

-Your friendly neighborhood RobinWriter


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